KaYa OS: Kabir's Dilemma

 KaYa OS: Kabir's Dilemma

Kabir twirled in his chair and looked towards the wall to avoid seeing the beautiful girl sitting on her desk which was straight in front of his cabin. Whenever he would look up, he would see her smiling at him, waving at him meekly, laughing her guts out with her friends or busy with her new leads. Whatever the situation was she looked damn gorgeous, and what made her all the more beautiful was her heart. After so many years he met someone was so clean at heart and being her friend made him so happy. As his mind had mentioned the word “friend”, a sudden realization had dawned upon him. Was he really capable of being called her friend? Did he deserve that place in her heart? Did she deserve that respect which he could see in her eyes for himself?

The baaghi incident had totally changed their equation towards each other but what had Kabir bothered right now was the revelation she had made to him during that period. She was the daughter of Sudhir Kashyap. Someone for whom his heart was still holding a huge guilt, even though he was helpless in that situation but his heart was still heavy for the fact that he could not bring justice to Mr. Kashyap!

The biggest fear for him was that Ananya worshipped him like a mentor and she blindly believes that he will help her find her father and that was practically impossible. This was the first time that Kabir felt so miserable about something. He just could not bear to see the loss of respect in her eyes the day she finds out that Kabir was the sole eye-witness of her father’s murder, yet he remained quiet. His heart was constantly debating that he was completely helpless. If it was only about his own safety then he would have never given up on the case and would have brought justice to Mr. Kashyap by hook or by crook. But here it was the matter of so many lives which he could not risk for one person. The lives of so many people were not his property that he could bet upon them to get the culprit punished. His ethics did not allow him to put so many innocent lives in danger for justice of one innocent person. Despite being a deontologist, this was the first time that Kabir actually had to think like utilitarian. He had to serve the greater good, and the greater good was to keep the people related to the case safe and sound and this was only possible if he kept his mouth shut.

He twirled again in his chair finally feeling that he had convinced himself that what he had done was right but as he turned he saw Ananya shy away upon being caught staring at him. The tint of blush on her rosy cheeks made him feel miserable again. He had to tell her the truth!

‘But what next?!’ his mind shouted, ‘Once Ananya knows that her father was murdered she would bring heaven and earth together to find the culprit, and the culprit is not in nursery school that he will go to jail without any problem, the culprits are so damn powerful that they could finish Ananya’s existence off in one night and no one would know what happened to her, ever!’

“Damn it!” said Kabir, banging his hand loudly on the desk, “I cannot risk her life! I cannot lose her At. Any. Cost!” and he realized what he had just said, was his fear for her life right now something more than a concern as a friend, more than humanity? He just couldn’t think straight, after spending so many moments with her in those two days, he had felt something beating in his chest. After so many years he felt he had a heart, but he was unsure what feeling this was. Her face was more than enough to light up his entire day. He had never cherished a friend like this in his entire life.

“Sir, May I come in?” he heard her beautiful voice and looked up immediately a smile formed on his face, no matter in what kind of mood he is, Ananya could manage to make him smile, right from the heart.

“Sure!” he replied.

“Sir, wo actually hum sab friends lunch karne jaa rahe hain aur ma ne sab ke liye biryani bana kar bheji hai… Kya possible hai ki aap humare sath lunch kar sakein?” she said nervously and before getting disappointed from his expected answer she quickly added, “Agay nahi toh main yahin cabin mein laakar aapko dedungi…” she completed biting her lip, waiting expectantly for an answer.

The way she bit her lip, made his heart skip a beat. Did she really have to be so innocent that his heart could melt like chocolate anytime? He was about to refuse and somehow he knew that she too knew he would say no but her nervousness told him she was still wishing he would say yes.

“Paanch minute mein aata hoon…” he replied with a small smile and it grew wide as he saw her face light up like a light bulb in a mili-second, he never knew his one simple yes could have such an impact on someone!

“Thank you so much sir!” she said almost jumping, as she ran out of the cabin in excitement.

Kabir went up to the cafeteria a few minutes later, as promised and saw Ananya’s gang already surrounding her, everyone busy chatting away. As soon as they saw him, everyone grew quiet and made space for him.

“Aap log mujhe dekh ke itna shaant kyun ho gaye?” he said, sitting down with them. Ananya quickly took a plate and served him, “Thank you Ananya.” he said taking the plate. Kabir realized that nobody would speak so he cracked a joke and which had everyone by surprise for a moment and then they all began laughing, soon they all had mingled around with Kabir and Kabir found himself laughing his guts out. He was laughing like this after so many years and he felt so free in that moment. Just because of Ananya the old Kabir was coming back. It was a really enjoyable lunch and Kabir thanked Ananya from all his heart for the wonderful time, as he was thanking her he could see she was glowing, the happiness evident on her face.

“Thank you mere saath saath mere friends ke bhi friend banne ke liye sir…” she told him.

That one line brought his guilt back. His mind again debated, was he really capable of being called her friend? He was the person who knew that her father was brutally murdered yet he is hiding such a huge fact from her. Wasn’t he supposed to be called a betrayer? ‘Shut up, Kabir!’ his heart told him, ‘It’s for her own well-being!’

The next Kabir switched on the TV in his cabin while working on his lead and saw that Ananya was covering a story live. What Kabir didn’t realize was that his mind had wandered away from her story and instead he was busy admiring her features, how close he had been to her a few days back, her scent still filled his nostrils, her eyes so deep and innocent, her smile so flattering, her beautiful curls adorning her face time and again as the wind blew through it. She looked completely divine. He had no idea since when his viewpoint towards his junior changed, it had changed so much that he himself began to change, for her.

Kabir didn’t realize that the bulletin was over and a break was called for where usually songs and advertisements played out. He was so engrossed in thinking about Ananya and his confusion was increasing as what he was he actually feeling when suddenly he heard a song on the TV, ‘..Ab mujhe raat din din tumhara hi khayal hai… Kya kahun pyaar mein deewano jaisa haal hai!!’ and that line made Kabir gasp. Was he in love with Ananya? if not then why was he so hell bent on thinking about her all the time? Why was he changing his ways for her? Why did he break his barrier between junior and senior for her? Why did he mingle with his junior for her? Why did he listen to everything she said? Why was he allowing her to enter his personal territory? Why did he find her the prettiest girl in the world?

Kabir had never felt this way, not even with Shreya. Does this mean he never actually loved Shreya? Was he really falling head over heels for Ananya?

Thirty minutes later, Ananya was back in the office and everyone was busy congratulating her but her eyes were stuck on his cabin. Her face lit up as she saw Kabir emerge from his cabin door and give her a ‘thumbs up’ for her good work. Kabir felt his heart beat a little faster, seeing her smile like that for him. How he wished that smile could be reserved especially for him. He saw Ronnie hug Ananya tightly and he felt a pang of pain in his heart, like a needle pricked his heart. Why is it that he could not see her with anyone else? Seeing her so cozy in his arms, Kabir didn’t know why but he felt extremely disappointed.

The next morning Kabir was busy with his work when Ananya came in excited, “Sir mujhe ek bahot badi lead mili hai! Agar yeh kahaani sach hui na toh….” She told him almost running to him with a footage in her hand, she was in an attempt to go near his chair and show him the footage but in her excitement, being the typical Ananya she was, she tripped and fell directly on his lap. She landed so perfectly on him that his face was buried in her neck and his lips accidently touched her neck. Kabir swore her heart was beating as fast as his. Both of them were too numb to move, this intimate feeling had taken their hearts by a storm. They didn’t know what but something felt like it was totally meant to be, she was meant to be in his arms and he was meant to protect her.

The next instant they heard a knock on the door and Ananya quickly got up, too dumbfounded to be caught like this by Khalid, Ananya just ran out of the cabin.

“Well well! That escalated quickly! Tumlog sach mein professionally toh saath ache legte hi the lekin ab personally bhi…” Khalid said, smiling his usual way.

“Oh shut up Khalid!” Kabir said trying to ward him off the topic, since he himself was still not able to recover from the moment he just experienced.

“Toh kya Ananya tumhare baahon mein baithi thi kyunki tumhare cabin mein chairs kam hai?” Khalid asked sarcastically, enjoying the moment, teasing Kabir.

“Gir gayi thi jaldi mein…” Kabir answered.

Incidents like that kept occurring, Ananya being so clumsy kept on falling here and there and banging on Kabir and every single time he was lost in those eyes. he kept ignoring those feelings till he heard Malvika say, “Tumne dekha iss office mein kya ho raha hai? Ananya ne toh office ko love story ka location bana ke rakh diya hai… Use apne aur Ronnie ke love story ko office se door rakhna chahiye!” she told him pretending to be irritated, when infact she was smirking that she hit the right spot.

Kabir who had been ignoring Malvika all the while, finally looked up in shock when he heard that Ananya and Ronnie were in love! It almost felt like somebody stabbed his heart with a knife and then twisted the knife a million times. That day he felt he lonely again, he felt as if someone had sucked all the happiness out of him again. He began staying isolated again and kept ignoring Ananya time and again, not because he wanted to punish her but it was way too hurtful for him to see her around him, making him fall in love with her again and again knowing that she didn’t reciprocate those feelings. Yet there was atleast one satisfaction for him, he could see her…

Even though he kept being rude to her and that led to the end of their friendship, he was happy that he could see her around the office and his silent love was always present for her and seeing her made him smile, until the day Ananya suddenly told him that she was leaving KKN! His heart drained listening to that and he felt like shouting and crying but he guarded his feelings and didn’t say a word to her. He felt so helpless, now he wouldn’t even be able to see her and he wanted to fight with her and ask her to stay, ‘But with what right?’his mind asked him.

Honestly he didn’t have an answer but he just couldn’t give up without trying!

He called up Ananya, “Tumse milna hai…” he told her, firmly.

“Kyun?” Ananya questioned him.

“Mil kar baat karte hain…” he said and cut the call.

Ananya reached KKN at 7.45pm and usually KKN would be full of people but today there was a special conference which everyone had to attend. She looked around and found no one, if Kabir was going to the conference then how would he be here? And if he is not going to be here then why did he call her to KKN? As if he would ever skip such an important conference for meeting her. Ananya was brought out of her thoughts when she heard the main door being jolted; she turned around to find Kabir standing in front of her.

“KKN kyun chhor kar jaa rahi ho Ananya?” he asked her straight off.

“Meri marzi!” she replied curtly.

“Yeh mere sawaal ka jawaab nahi hua…” he said walking towards her.

“Aur aap ko sawaal karne ka haq kisne diya?” she replied, pissed.

“Kyun sawaal karne ka haq sirf Ronnie ko hai?” he asked hurt.

“Haan bilkul! Ronnie dost hai mera!” she eyed him, confidently.

“Sirf dost?” he asked nearing her.

“Aap se matlab?” she asked rudely.

“Matlab hai!” he grabbed her arms, anger flaring up in his eyes, “Matlab hai mujhe samjhi tum? Pyaar karti ho tum Ronnie se?”

“Kyun? Aap kyun janna chahte hain?” she retorted, trying to free herself. She was shocked to see this side of him.

“Kyun pyaar ke bina hi tumhe ladkon ke baahon mein rehna pasand hai?” he asked sarcastically, his heart hurting him was making him angrier by the second. His words pierced Ananya’s heart like arrows. “Shut up! Just shut up!” she shouted at him.

That made him lose all his cool and he pinned her to the wall, “Kyun? Buri lagi meri baat? Kya sirf tumhe hi bura lag sakta hai? Jo roz tumhe Ronnie ke saath dekh kar mera dil toot-ta hai uska kya? Tumhe kisi aur ke itne karib dekh kar mere dil mein jo dard hota hai uska kya? Kya mujhe bura nahi lag sakta? Kya mera dil nahi toot sakta?” he asked, almost shaking her.

“Haan! Nahi lag sakta aap ko bura! Nahi lagna chahiye! Kabhi nahi!” she cried out loudly, tears falling from her eyes.

“Kyun nahi?” Kabir shouted back.

“Kyunki main aapse pyaar karti hoon! Sirf aap se! aur Ronnie sirf mera best friend hai…” she cried breaking down in his arms.

“Tum mujhse pyaar karti ho?” he asked. To say Kabir was shocked would be an understatement.

“Haan! Haan! Haan!” she shouted, crying.

Kabir’s heart leapt in joy at her confession. Yes, she loved him back. She did. She really did. He just couldn’t hold back, he cupped her face gently and kissed her tears away. “I love you Ananya! I'm so sorry maine tumhe galat samjha…” he said placing his lips gently on hers, he slowly took her lower lip in his and kissed it sweetly, as if he was kissing away all the pain he had caused to her. Ananya grabbed his blazer tightly and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. “I’m so sorry!” Kabir muttered slowly, trying to apologize again but Ananya was in no mood to listen, this moment in her life had come after so much pain, the love of her life had just confessed that he loved her too. She pinned him to the wall and fiercely captured his lips, taking the revenge of all the heart-burn he caused her. Kabir pinned her to the wall again and passion flew across them as he began kissing her neck, placing open mouth kisses on her neck and shoulder. Ananya winced as he bit her on the soft spot on her neck, her hair buried in his hair as she pulled him closer.

Just then Kabir’s mind reminded him about her father, he needed to tell her the truth before he began a relationship with Ananya. He left her and stood straight, thinking hard. It was a now or never. He needed to tell her. “Kya hua?” Ananya looked at him confused. Was he regretting what just happened?

“Kya aap yeh jo hua wo regret kar rahein hain?” she asked hurt.

“No Ananya!” he said hugging her tightly, “Never! You are the best thing that could ever happen to me!” he assured her, kissing her hair. In that moment he decided, honesty is not always the best policy. Ananya’s happiness and safety is more important than her knowing the truth. Why tell a truth which will only bring pain and destruction? How can he spoil her family’s life by telling something which they cannot change but instead will bring problems in their life? If Ananya is told the truth, she will try to hunt them down and he cannot lose Ananya at any cost thus the decision was made. This truth will be buried deep inside his heart, never to come out again.

Kabir couldn’t linger more upon those thoughts because soon Ananya’s lips had found its way to his neck and her sweet torture had brought on round two of love and passion as he kissed her senseless…